Post #5: Prose Benchmark Essay

Reflection:

In the Prose Benchmark Essay, we were given a passage from an 1852 Nathaniel Hawthorne novel about Blithedale, a rural living community. We were asked to analyze the attitude of the narrator towards Zenobia as they part ways.

If I were to score my own essay, I would score it a 5, because although I offered a very reasonable analysis of the narrator’s attitude, I wasn’t able to fully develop the analysis into an organized, well-written response with consistent control of language. I felt that my response was too repetitive, and I would want to improve the strength and language used in the evidence. The analysis of the narrator’s attitude was insightful and showed understanding, however, I feel as though my essays wasn’t quite clear enough in its language and organization to be scored a 6. The grade received from Mrs. Wilson was a 7. In her feedback, she agreed with my interpretation and liked many of my points throughout.

As the writer scoring my own essay, I know that I was rushed on the ending and didn’t finish writing everything I wanted to. However, as a grader, it may not be obvious that the essay was incomplete, which could lead to the difference in scores. But through this benchmark essay, I think it was relevant to notice how I was able to improve my interpretation skills - reading the passage, I was able to understand the inner complexities and build a strong analysis. Recognizing that I had to analyze the shifts, I was able to “write a complete essay demonstrating adherence to a topic” (5 Steps, pg 62) because I knew “all the facets that needed to be addressed.” (5 Steps, pg 62) Again, like the poetry essay, the prose essay asks the writer to analyze the shifts, whether that be of attitude or personality, to develop the complexity of your analysis.

Overall, I think this benchmark did a good job showing me the skills I needed to focus on are developing more sophisticated writing and increasing my writing speed in order to include all of the information I want. In the future, as we encounter more prompts, I would just need to proactive writing longer more developed essays in the limited time period.

Original Essay:

In Nathaniel Hawthorne’s 1852 novel, the narrator uncovers the true nature of the individual he was once entranced with. The narrator watches as the true nature, self-possessed nature of Zenobia comes out once she leaves Blithedale and stops acting that part. Although the narrator at first, entranced by her beauty, follows along, as he sees her personality shift from the one he knew, he begins to distance himself. Feeling disgusted with her, he becomes more and more angry with her, as evidenced by his vivid imagery, complex diction, and blunt tone.

The narrator’s first hint that Zenobia was not the simple girl he was enamored with when they first leave Blithedale and re-enter a world of luxury. The narrator describes a beautiful room that was “the fulfillment of every fantasy of an imagination, reveling in various methods of costly self-indulgence and splendid ease”(ll. 10-12) Even as he outwardly appreciated this beauty and depicts it with vivid imagery, the narrator shows his reservations and his inner conflict with luxury. He has lived a simple lifestyle for so long. Which the goal to stay away from luxury, and walking into this room, experiences a different feeling than Zenobia, who he notes has “surrounded herself” within this luxurious, materialistic scene. He begins to perceive that she is not who thought and is, in fact, the opposite; “passionate, luxurious, lacking simplicity, not deeply refined, incapable of pure taste.”(ll. 28-29) The narrator sees these malevolent characteristics as the opposite of who she was at Blithedale and who he is as a person and begins to doubt how well he knows her.

However, he is unwilling to come to the conclusion that she is not who he thought so the narrator proceeds to question her, becoming more curious and observation about her. Pressing her as to if she still lives by the simple practices in Blithedale however, the narrator begins to see that her personality really isn’t what he thought as he grows more and more irritated with this “self-complacent, condescending, qualified approval” (ll.56-57). His irritation for these character traits, and his growing disgust are evident as the narrator chooses diction with very lowly, negative connotations to describe her personality traits, contrasted by the elevated, exaggerated diction such as “highly endowed” (l. 59), “gorgeous” (l.55), “loftiest aspirations” to show the complexity in which the narrator views Zenobia. He shows how she is beautiful and luxurious but has a repulsive personality, also illustrating his contempt and disgust with her.

The narrator, who has grown more disgusted of Zenobia, is still holding on to a little bit of doubt, so he proceeds to  fake his agreeableness and play along. He was enamored by the Zenobia he met in Blithedale, and now that she has showed the flip side of her personality, he is repulsed and turned away. However, his passion with Zenobia makes him unwilling to turn away, so he takes upon a demeanor of high contempt while talking to her a joins in the criticism. Zenobia’s reaction upon seeing the narrator flip his personality, is to “[flame ] up suddenly” (l. 83). This proves to the narrator the self-assuredness of her personality he hates - she assume that everyone is like her, and isn’t genuine about living simplistically with a community.

This solidifies the narrator’s hate with her, as he bluntly states his disgust and turns away from her.

Works Cited

Rankin, Estelle M., and Barbara L. Murphy. 5 Steps to a 5: AP English Literature. McGraw Hill Education, 2018.